And then there are days where I want to world to quit racing around me. When I want to stop and watch every little movement my tiny boy makes. When I want to see the boy’s eyes fill up with wonder and curiosity. When I want to stop caring about pleasing others and working so hard.
I’ve been clutching on to moments like every one is the last one. The days may seem long but the years sure are short.
When I think about my life, I have many great things in it but ultimately it always comes to Beckett. He’s my favorite part, the sunshine, the noise, the color. And I realize that he is the best part of me. Except that, he’s not a physical part of me anymore. I’m half of HIM. Because being a mom is having half of your heart walking and talking outside of your body. There is no armor and layers to protect it, you cannot control it or the hurt that it is subjected to.
He’s just this thing that I love so intensely and can’t ever imaging him not being there. He holds my whole heart and the idea of an entire piece of me walking around and existing outside of me is almost too much to bear if I think about it too long.
Love this kid.